Grandeur

Delusions of grandeur happen in a very dark place. They happen on the goldless side of the bow. At times, I find myself with this mini-messianic sense of greatness but not in the present tense; I see a favorably disproportionate amount of potential in myself. I feel like I'm going to captain my accomplishments with such obscenity that I dread looking ahead. I feel like the void that is The Future is fucking horrifying. It makes me want to hold onto the railing forever. I'll confess my sporadic vanity even more by saying that I sometimes feel like Tut, a boy king. The weight of a kingdom is on it's way.

But, is it healthy to look ahead with a lack of goal-oriented humility? Is this behavior stemmed out of being a little gay boy who stared out his window, dreaming of a place where things would be "better"? Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest, 'till your Good is Better and your Better is Best. If you picture a gold, Disney-esque sunset at the end of your classic VHS cartoon blockbuster, does that make the hardest struggles worth fighting through? It's like the ratio of how hard the past and the present are determine the extremity of the goals. Is that what's going on here?


-- Posted from my iPhone